Root beer

Today at work I am drinking root beer…. from a bottle that looks like a beer bottle. So, I put the bottle in a brown bag I had at my desk so people wouldn’t see it. But now it really looks like I am drinking beer but concealing it like a homeless man. I think root beer people should put root beer in cans so that those of us who like root beer can enjoy it without looking like we are boozing it up in the work place. I am just saying.

cricket killer

So today Josh and I decided to go to a bookstore. We got this idea from another, clearly, more intellectual couple than us. So we went, but not really knowing what a couple does with themselves at a bookstore... we decided to just go for a walk around th nice area instead. So we're walking and suddenly I feel something wet in my sandal. I figure it was just some water from a nearby fountain...but it didn't go away. So I take off my shoe and what is there? A dead cricket. Yep. It crawled in my sandal, I killed it (unknowingly) and felt its guts on my feet for a good 5 steps before Josh, being the studly man he is - not afraid of a dead cricket - got the cricket corpse off the inside of my shoe. So, moral of the story? Be careful when you step on something wet. It could be the insides of a gross bug being spread on your bare skin.

Don't know why I am really blogging about this, but when I wait for the perfect blog entry - I don't end up writing for months on end:) Prepare yourselves for some less-than-thrilling, albeit hopefully more consistent blogging.

Ode to green bean casserole

In honor of thanksgiving, I am dedicating this post to one of the classic Thanksgiving dishes...green bean casserole.

So, pretty much every year at my house I am responsible for bringing the green bean casserole (GBC) to family thanksgiving. Now, I like green bean casserole, and I always just assumed that everyone liked it...what's not to like? Green beans, french fried onions, soup....all mixed together with love. It's a recipe for pure delight.

So, this year I am going over menu plans with my mom for thanksgivng and I say "so do you want me to bring the green bean casserole?" And she gets kind of quiet.

This is no good.

So, I ask "What - do you not like green bean casserole?" And she says in a very mother-y way "I like whatever you make Lindsey...you make what you want." Which is the equivalent of telling your kid "if you had fun, you won" after they just totally screwed up in a sports game or something.

So I probe my mother for more information and it turns out that all these years - no one in my family even likes green bean casserole. No one! They only gave me the green bean casserole responsibility because it had like 4 ingredients, and they doubted my domestic abilities. So, moral of the story? Don't eat green bean casserole out of pity and lead your daughter and sister to believe that her casserole is delicious when in fact, it struggles. I can take defeat. And this year I will wow you all with brown sugar carrots. Prepare to be impressed.

RIP

Oh no they didn't...

Well. This afternoon I had to take a trip to the Christian bookstore to pick up a gift for someone. And - I've decided that if ever my blog is running dry, I just need to take a trip to the Christian bookstore and I should have some new material.

So, anyone who has bought a greeting card in the last two years know that the trend is these $5 musical cards - that play like a full length song when you open them. I am guilty of purchasing several of these cards....one card had the chicken dance, and then one of the cards played "Unchained Melody" - which was my parents song - so I got them that for their anniversary. Nothing is more romantic than opening up a card and having a poorly recorded version of your song playing.

But now - Christians have gotten in on the musical card action and let me tell you - they did not dissapoint.

The classics are all available for purchase.

Here are some highlights:

* Friends by Michael W. Smith
(I was a MWS freak when I was little....and just when you think this song couldn't get any cheesier? They attach it to a greeting card....)
* Jesus Freak by DC Talk
(I would question your salvation if you didn't own the Jesus Freak CD...I am kidding. Sorta)
* Indescribable by Chris Tomlin
(I love me some Tomlin - but telling someone happy birthday with this song is weird)
* Shine by the Newsboys (Another mid-90s classic)

I am kind of waiting for some other Musical Christian greeting cards to come out....but instead of songs, they would be like snippets of really convicting John Piper sermons or maybe even a loud God -like voice saying "WWJD?" Maybe they could have one that on the outside said "Happy Birthday" but then when you opened it - it went into a full gospel presentation - and made a reference to your birthday gift being the free gift of salvation.

Just some ideas for you people in the audio Christian greeting card business.

Oh. And if you would like to further invesitigate and perhaps purchase:

http://www.dayspring.com/ecards/choice.asp?SubcatID=197

ps. In honor of a super spiritual blog entry - I have changed my profile picture to match. That's me just doing some reading.

Road Trips

I haven't blogged for like a week. And I fear that this week will be short on blogs too as I am leaving on Wednesday for my cousin's wedding in Nebraska. I am flying out Wednesday morning - but I am driving home with my parents, bro and sister in law. This should be kinda fun. I do like a good family road trip. And, I thought I would write a brief tribute to some classic moments in road trip history:

The Raptures:
Even as a small girl, I had a propensity to rap - and Godliness. So, naturally I listened to Christian rap, aka The Raptures. If Sandy Patti and Jay-Z had a baby - you would get the Raptures. They were a super cool Christian rap band...for kids. When I was 5, I was obsessed with them. Sadly, my older bro and sis were not as enthused at these musical geniuses and would complain everytime I insisted my parents played the tape for me. My brother once told me he threw it out the window and I started crying.

Pig Latin:
This is the "secret" language my brother and sister came up with so that they wouldn't have to talk to me on road trips. Even though I was really fun and had great Christian rap tapes to offer.

Crappy music tickets:
My brother, sister and I started this. At the start of the journey, everyone gets three gum wrappers, known as a "crappy music ticket" - and when a song comes on the radio that no one else wants to listen to and you do....you can cash in your "crappy music ticket" and listen to the song. But you only have three crappy music tickets...so you really have to evaluate.

Fun bags:
This is a bag my mom insisted we all pack that usually inlcuded cards, a babysitters club book and car bingo. But, even today when I am going on like a trip for work, my mom will ask me in a straight face what I am bringing in my fun bag. I am so old and mature, mom - why would I have a fun bag?

Chapstick:
This is a fun little game that my mom likes to play. She will stick her huge "fun bag" in a place that is hard to get to...like stuffed tightly under the very back seat, behind a cooler. Then she will say "Honey, can you get crawl into the back and get into my bag and get me my chapstick?" This is kind of like finding a needle in a haystack - except that the haystack is like really hard to get to - nearly impossible actually - and you have to get to it while traveling at high speeds. It drives me crazy.

Pillowman:
One time when my family and I were driving home from a trip my brother got really bored and put a pillowcase on his head and some sunglasses over the pillow. Then he started calling himself pillowman and waving to cars as they passed by. This joke will never get old for me.

The Mortician:
On a trip a few years ago, we were driving to my grandpa's funeral and there was definitely more than one conversation about how good of a couple me and my grandpa's mortician would make. I think there was even an awkward attempt at getting us alone together and my family kept telling me to flirt with him to see if I could get them discounts on future funerals.

Blog it like its hot

I don't know why I have been in such a blog updating mood lately. I guess my sister started up her blog again and I need to keep up!

Anyways, I have always wanted to title a post Blog it Like it's Hot. (mom, this is in reference to a rap song - where the original words are DROP it like it's hot - usually used to describe a person dancing in a provactive manner). And - now that I have a name - I need a topic. And today's topic?

Sandal boots.

That's right. I was reading the Fashion section of the AZ Republic and bam - there they were.

or an even more horrific specimen....
Now what are people thinking?

I am sorry for the horrible cliche - but I am a girl and I like shoes. I have even been known to take some fashion risks in this department. But, you will never catch me in a sandal boot.

I like sandals. I like boots. But sometimes you can't combine two good things and get a good thing.

Here are some other things I like - but you can't put together:

* I like my dad. I also like listening to scandalous ghetto rap - but am I really going to listen to "back that thing up" with him in the car? No. That's when you turn on k-love or Neil Diamond.

* Lycra has been a good friend to me. So has denim....but do i think stretch denim is a good idea? Not on most.

* I like words. I also like sweatpants. Should we put those words ON the sweatpants - esp. on the butt? No. (esp. words that say True Love Waits right on the booty? A thousand no's)

So, that's all. I hope none of you are sporting the sandal boots (or abstinence sweatpants) or I will feel really bad.

Bag dilemma.

I have found the perfect bag for my lunches at work. This excites me because a good bag is hard to find! It's sturdy, has nice handles, excellent dimensions - BUT - there is a problem... it's from Victoria's Secret.

This week I tried to tell myself it doesn't matter if I walk the office halls with a lingerie bag containing a lean cuisine and a snapple. No one will notice.

But what if they do?

Have you ever tried sticking a Victoria's Secret bag in the office fridge?? It looks pretty unprofessional and scandalous amidst a sea of boring black lunchboxes and paper bags. What will my coworkers think of me?

One time I had to bring some super spirtual people (that read this blog) a lot of mail and I ran into the same dilemma. It was the perfect sized bag - but do I really want to deliver anything to a pastor's family using it? Not really.

From now on I am going to focus on stocking up on bags from places only super Godly women shop at, like the Christian Bookstore or Micheal's.

In conclusion? The right bag at the wrong time is still the wrong bag.

Oh work.

Working in public relations - part of my job is to find magazines who want to write about our organization. So, I have to research various publications to see where our news would fit it. My boss sometimes tells me I am sort of like a media match maker. And...my last name means matchmaker so it makes sense (my last name also means fat, gossipy old woman...but that is no fun).


So, anyways - unfortunately, I don't get to research fun publications like Vogue or US Weekly - but I have to find things that purchasing people are reading. And let me tell you - they aren't reading anything cool.


But, I am leanring lots of new things. I mean, really - there is a magazine for practically everything out there! I know I have written about this before, but I do find new publications that must be shared.



* Door Dealer: This magazine is for people who sell doors. You didn't think people who sold doors needed their own magazine did you? Oh, but they do.

* Brick World: This is for people who deal with bricks. Either they make them or sell them or just generally like bricks. (this is my favorite)

* Parking Lots Weekly: You guessed it! People who are in the parking lot business need some reading too.

* Mini Storage Message: Apparently a lot goes on in the world of storage.

* Light Bulbs Today: Now, good lighting is soo essential. I love to blame bad lighting for both major and minor flaws in my appearance. Feeling ugly? Blame the lighting. Bad outfit? Oh, it just looks bad in this light...and so on and so forth. But, I think this publication is just so obscure. But, I actually have some friends who might like this kind of reading (yay Voss) so I am def. not going to question the legitimacy of such info.


So. Just thought I would share just how broad the print media can be. That is all.

Devotional FAIL

Ok. I really like devotionals. I do. I own several and I even read some of them sometimes...
But, somehow - I got on this e-mail listserv from Christianity Today - and it sends me "Devotions for Dieters."

If all the devotional books in the world got together and did mock elections like in high school...lets just say that Oswald Chambers would get "Most likely to inspire men to greatness" while Devotions for Dieters would get "Most likely to not inspire anyone to lose weight...ever. In fact, people may get fatter reading you."

Like, seriously. This stuff is bad. But, again – kinda the literary equivalent of a train wreck – I can’t look away.

Here is yesterday's entry.

Revelation 3:21 'To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.'

Gramps promised Kathy that if she would lose forty pounds by Christmas, he would take her to Bermuda with him. Kathy could hardly wait for Gramps to see her. She'd topped out at fifty-three pounds lost, and had a note from her doctor as documented proof. At first, she never thought she'd make it, but a lot of prayers, sweat, tears, and sacrifice had made it come true. She had never worked so hard for anything in her life. Even without the trip, she felt she'd received reward enough, but she planned to hold Gramps to his promise, anyway.

Today's thought: I'd rather be overjoyed than overweight!

Now, if I really wanted to turn this mocking into a legitimate concern for weak theology …I would say that if Gramps = God, than Kathy is using “Gramps” to get to Bermuda which is pretty lame. But – I am trying to not get too preachy here…

So now, no offense to gramps – but I hardly think a trip to Bermuda with my grandpa is motivation to slim down. I could see slimming down for a wedding or maybe to rid your closet of stetch denim…but a tropical vacay with Grandpa? Mmm…

Furthermore, are we really comparing the right hand of God to Bermuda? Oh geez.

I feel a little bit guilty for blogging about this. In fact, I one time blogged about these devotionals but later deleted it because I felt bad. So, until the Holy Spirit persuades me to take this down....enjoy NOT being inspired to lose any weight.

Mowing the lawn is not the worst thing in the world.

Um. I have discovered a new love. Lawn Mowing. I would just like to write a little blurb about this - mostly to impress my father - and try to secure my place as his current favorite. Sometimes I ask my dad who he loves the best and he claims to love us all "exactly the same" - but I suspect if I took up hunting and yardwork I would inch my way up to the top of his list. (It should be noted that my mom does not try to hide the fact that my brother is her favorite. Oh well.)

Anyways - back to my point. I mowed our lawn this weekend - and once I figured out how to start the mower (thank you Jen for the over-the-phone tutorial) I was in business. Mowing is JUST like vacuuming, except when you are done - you have worked out AND gotten a tan. What's not to love about that?

I never thought I would be one of those girls who mowed the lawn...but there I was on a Saturday afternoon trying to make neat little lines in the grass and shopping for weed killer. What has become of me?

Now, I am not like going to start going to Home Depot for fun or anything, but lawn mowing was not as painful as I expected. Yay.

On an unrelated note. This morning I put both of my contacts in the same eye. Has anyone ever done this? ....Anyone? I seriously could not figure out what was wrong. I thought I rubbed off the part of the contact that makes you see better. I kept taking out the one on top and cleaning it and putting it back in. Like for ten minutes. It was so sad. I can be so blonde.

Thank you amazon.com

I am a little hesitant to blog about the following, because it does make me sound really uncool. But, oh well.

I am having some mixed feelings about amazon.com.

I was looking for a book, and I saw a link that said "What Amazon recommends for Lindsey" Curious to see the girl that amazon.com imagined me to be...I clicked. In all ofmy pride, I kind of thought there would be some cool, hip books for single, fun, 25-year old girls – you know like Bridget Jones’ diary type things – about quirky, cool, career girls. Maybe some trendy books on how to dress or something. Oh no. Here is a sampling amazon.com's recommended reading list for me.

* Singled out for Him

* The Single Truth

* A collection of Puritan Prayers

* Revelations of a single woman: loving the life I didn't expect

And lastly, a Christian must-read

* I kissed dating goodbye

I think a girl's recommended amazon list says a lot about her. (Kind of like how you can tell a lot about what people are struggling with/struggled with by what verses they have underlined in their Bible....) So, that's why I am concerned that my list makes me look like the single cat lady.

Why can't they recommend cooler books for me like:

* The hot, Godly girls guide to staying relevant

* Fashion and Jesus - two worthy pursuits

Truly, the only other book I have ordered off of amazon was a John Piper book. So, how do the people at amazon know?! Is my mother working for them?

So, my friends - go ahead. Go ahead and check out what amazon recommends for you. It's kind of like googling your own name. It can be enlightening... or it might just confirm to you what you already know.

And – not to stray from my habit of mentioning Becky in every blog (I really don't do this on purpose - but, I like a blog with a picture) – here is a picture of Becky actually reading Revelations of a Single Woman. For us, one joke that never gets old is where we get a book about singleness and strategically place ourselves in the line of godly men (actually - we really just talk about this or do it for posed photo opportunities.). It is soo good for a laugh…although a little shameful/pathetic/embarrassing for a blog perhaps. But, I am pretty the sure the 6 people who read this blog are not surprised by my lameness and will continue to be my friends.

Gym time part deux

It's another gym blog. It seems the only two things I write about are Becky and the gym. But there is so much blog-worthy material in both of those categories.

So, lately I have been swimming laps instead of doing the elliptical.

I don't really have a good reason for this other than I am getting really tired of all the songs on my ipod and I don't know how to update it. I have kind of been working out to "Promiscuous girl" (please don't judge) since 2006. It's pathetic. I even have the techno version of the Hampster Dance song on there. One time I tried to update my ipod but I somehow ended up deleting every song on it except for "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas - and if you have ever tried to work out to "dust in the wind" it's kind of depressing.

So rather than getting new music - I have just chosen a cardio activity that will not allow for any.

But I have discovered that the pool area of the gym is where the most annoying people gather. And when you get perfect strangers, in nothing but a thin layer of spandex in the same body of water - awkwardness abounds. And when a land person (like myself) tries to be a pool person, it doesn't go well.

Yesterday there was a guy at the pool who kind of just stood on the deck and watched me do my laps. Actually, he walked up and down the deck following me as I swam - like we were at some type of swim meet. I think this guy probably spent three months as an assistant coach to his daughter's swim team back in like 1992 and somehow he got the impression that I needed/wanted swimming advice.

"Hey - what lap are you on? Be sure to cup your hands, keep your legs straight....try to do 15 laps..."

Um....excuse me? did I hire a personal trainer? What the heck? Now, I know my swimming technique is probably sub par. I kind of look like a like a frog. But I am not trying to make it to olympic trials - pretty much my only fitness goal would be to be able to fit into my jeans after I dry them.

So - American flag pants man, grunting man and selfish magazine hoarder - I miss you and I am coming back.

Iron sharpens iron - I guess

So, sometimes you have friends in your life that always out-do you spiritually. Take for instance my good friend Becky. Becky is the type of girl who casually quotes scripture from 2 Chronicles. I didn't know people read 2 Chronicles - let alone, commit parts of it to memory. But here is an actual conversation Becky and I had last night. In complete seriousness.

Becky: So - I have a like this weird three-hour gap in between when I do interviews and also working my shift at Starbucks...

Lindsey: Oooh fun - what are you going to do? Go to the mall?

Becky: No. I am going to listen to some sermons.

And she was completely serious. What she didn't know is that I meant she should go to the mall and pray for people and pass out tracts.

Whatever.

Here is a pic of Becky and I at the Resolved conference in which Becky later pointed out that I stand too close to people in pictures. At that conference Becky also told me I looked like I could be a model for Ross. Not a Guess model, not even J. Crew....but Ross. I am pretty sure that is not even a complement.

Every girl's dream - to be the look of discount fashion.

Why I suck as a human

Um - so does anyone else feel really bad when you are at a store, and as you are checking out - and they ask you to donate some money to a cause.
Now they don't just say "Hey - would you like to donate a dollar to charity?" No. They get very specific.
Like at Starbucks today..."Would you like to buy a bag of coffee for troops overseas serving our country?"
Um....how do I say "no" without sounding heartless? I don't think it's possible.
While I just say "no thanks" - I know that every other person in line and the cashier are thinking how selfish I am.
"Wow - that girl just spent 5$ on a cup of coffee for herself - and now she can't spend another $7 on those who risk their lives for her freedom?"
How do I live with myself?

The prodigal blogger

Ok - well. I would like to make a re-entrance to the blogging world. I stopped blogging in May - and would like to come home.

Let's see. First things first. This past weekend, I got to go to the Resolved Conference. I do love a good Christian conference both for the learning of scripture and for the endless amounts of cliche Christian activities that take place. I have come up with the following:

Top Ten Signs You Are At a Christian Conference

10. You are at the pool reading a book called "Sinners in the hands of an angry God" the person next to you in reading "Sin and Atonement" - person next to THEM is reading "Mortification of Sin." Finally, the person next them is reading US Weekly and you stop and pray for them.

9. Speaking of pool....you are wearing a one piece with an attached skirt and you still feel like a ho.

8. You no longer refer to guys as being cute - but rate them on a scale of "likelihood to make me stumble"

7. You use the word "relevant" a lot. For example, "I think wearing a halter top makes me more relevant."

6. You buy a book on humility - but you don't dare brag about it.

5. You tell a perfect stranger you are on your way to do a QT and they know what you are talking about.

4. If you took a collection of all the T-shirts with bible verses on them being worn - you could actually make up the new testament in T-shirt form.

3. You make bible verses into verbs. Such as "We need to Galatians 6"

2. More than one person has a picture of John Calvin on their shirt - and just about everyone knows who the picture is of.

1. You say things like "Hey, maybe next year Joel Osteen and Oprah can come..." just to see how many people will give you the look of death.

Printer disdain

I think Hell might not be a place of fire and brimstone. For me, hell looks like a room with a bunch of computers and then a bunch of printers - and for all of enternity - I have to hook the printers up to the computers and get them to function. Once I do that, I have to print things off of them in annoying formats.

The sweater of conviction

So - I have nicknamed a sweater I have - The Sweater of Conviction. I really like nick naming things and this sweet little baby blue sweater has been a dear friend to me in recent months.

You see, it's almost summer. And hot. And so I am embracing tank top weather. And sometimes I embrace halter-top weather. And sometimes (perhaps after I've skipped some time in the word in lieu of the gym) I skip the sleeves alltogether and go strapless. But, the sweater of conviction comes with me wherever I go. Because 9 times out of ten I feel convicted that I am showing too much skin and I put it on. Not to say a girl who wears a halter or a tube top is scandalous (lots of girls can pull this look off with beauty and class) - but surely in certain situations - I think it's best to keep a sweater of conviction available to you.

Take for example my recent trip to Chicago. You see, I went to a fancy missions dinner with my friend Josh. Since it was dressy - I chose a black strapless dress. Bad idea. I was one of two girls wearing a strapless dress! But did I have my sweater of conviction? No. I didn't. All I had were my exposed shoulders and some annoyed missionaries.

I am not sure why I really have blogged about my sweater of conviction since now every time someone sees me in my baby blue cardigan they will know the Holy Spirit convicted me into wearing it - but it's what I've been thinking about lately.

Modest is hottest. Right? Right.

Stuff Christians Like

So - I have been shamelessly reading this Web site this week:

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/

This Web site is a painfully accurate, yet hysterical, look at the Christian culture. I have already plugged this site two posts prior But I feel the need to share my love for it again.

Sometimes I email the guy and tell him about new things he should write about.

For instance - you know that horrendous cheer that sometimes goes down at large Christian gatherings where one side of the arena starts out yelling "We love Jesus - yes we do...we love Jesus how 'bout you?" Then the other side of the arena has to do it. Anyways, this cheer goes back and forth until the concert starts or until one side of the arena decides that they don't love Jesus enough to continue this horrific chant. It's pretty embarassing to witness.

Not sure if he will take me up on that idea or not.

And then I was talking to my sister about funny things in the Christian culture and she suggested me writing to tell the blog guy to write about the Potfaith which is the holier, more God-honoring version of the Potluck. I've even heard churches call them Pot Providences. The premise of course being that Christians do not believe in luck - so, any reference to luck should be replaced with a word Jesus would use. One time I invited Jesus to a potluck and he said he was too busy erasing my name in the Book of Life to come. But later that night I found out he went to a potfaith. So sad.

A trip to the salon

So - today, I decided that I would get a pedicure. This sounds relaxing doesn't it? Wrong. Pedicures can be a fairly traumatic experience. To increase sales, I think salons use a cruel marketing plan that looks like this:

* Surround your customer with fashion magazines featuring beautiful women.
* Ask customer about her boyfriend/husband.
* She doesn't have one? Perfect. Ask her why she doesn't have one. This is the most awkward question in the world to ask someone and will also make her feel really pathetic.
* Immediately following the intrusive questions about customer's non-existent relationship make a cruel comment about her eyebrows. Such as: "Your eyebrows. Very overgrown - you want wax?"
* Customer will immediately understand your not-so-subtle correlation between her having no boyfriend and overgrown eyebrows. She will agree to an eyebrow wax.
* Take her into shady room with early 90s wall paintings. Put hot wax on eyes. Tell her she might like an upper lip wax.
* Customer declines. Surely she does not need this.
* No problem - just ask her again about her husband.
* Customer reminds you she is not married.
* Ask customer how old she - this will remind customer that she is getting old.
* Talk loudly in a foreign language to your coworker - make the customer think it's concerning her unfortunate appearance and then ask again about the lip wax.
* If customer declines again - begin furiously plucking away at her eyebrows.
* When customer winces in pain tell her "you a baby"
* End waxing session. Tell customer she looks beautiful even though her eyes are completely red from hot wax and you spent the last 45 minutes implying otherwise.
* Repeat process.

adulthood

Mmm...this week I have been thinking how being an adult is kind of rough.

I am only a few years into this whole being old thing and it is so bizarre.

For starters - let's talk about the economic stimulus check. Now, as if my trips to the mall don't stimulate the economy enough...the government is giving me $600 to further my propensity to being totally consumed with worldly goods. The child in me says I need to work on filling the shoe shaped hole in my heart... but the newer, adult Lindsey tells me that I should put it all towards student loans. The thing about being an adult is that you have so many completely UNexciting things to pay for like student loans, teeth cleanings, car registration, toilet paper, etc.

And can I just talk about taxes? Ok, seriously - these are so confusing. How is everyone in the nation figuring these out? I am not completely brainless - but I find taxes difficult… and odds are (small as they may seem) that there are people who are even more brainless than I am that are required to do them - this intrigues me.

I really don't mean to complain. I like this new stage. There is definitely good with the bad. Not the least of which is having a business card and a clever desk calendar. And let's not ever get into the joys of the office supply cabinet and the unlimited supply of post its that this brings.

And now – let’s talk about regrets. There is a new blog in town - http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/ and it is way better than mine. I regret not coming up with this idea. Although if I had come up with it - I probably would be very prideful about how great my blog was – so I guess I am the real winner because I am still really humble. Kidding.

Resume building!

Mmm…sometimes I am glad I went to college. But, then, there are days like today – when I am forced to ponder “Could I have done this job without a degree?”

I have been asked to unzip hundreds of freezer-sized zip lock baggies. They come zipped… and I have been deemed capable of unzipping them.

I think there is a greater purpose for these bags – and I am just preparing them for their ultimate destiny.

Perhaps they will one day contain some pertinent supply management information or maybe they will be filled with rice to feed orphans. I don’t know. All I have been asked to do is sit here and unzip them, fold them and pass them along. My thumbs kind of hurt. But I must press on.

There could be a great spiritual parallel to this… like he who is faithful in preparing Ziplocs for usage will one day be entrusted with something bigger. We will see.

Ode to Becky and Sari.

So. Last night I got to hang out with two of my favorite ladies. Sari and Becky. These girls are so great and I always laugh a ton when I am with them. Like my face usually hurts from laughing so much. Here are some reasons I like them:

* They read my blog

* Sari - was in gestation (is that what it's called?) for 10 months and tells a great story about how she was born with a rat tail and freakishly long fingernails.

* If you make reference to any early 90s evangelical Christian trend they understand. For example: McGee and Me, The Continentals, DC Talk, Smitty, Joni Erickson Tada, etc.

* Not only do they understand - they don't get offended of any mocking of said trends.

* While other girls put quilts, China and handmade doilies in their hope chest - Becky has a bag of clearance towells and a George Foreman grill.

* They laugh at my references to early 90s Sunny Delight commercials.

* We can usually fit Joel Osteen into pretty much every conversation.

* Sari always welcomes a biblical rebuking from me - someone even captured the moment on film below:

* Similarly, Becky is always willing to share her wise counsel with others in need. Especially if the impromptu counseling session occurs in a forest by a lovely stream.



* They don't mind an awkard conclusion to a blog about them.

* Um...I am done.

short blog

Um - has anyone ever used the restroom right before meet and greet time at church - so when you shake people's hands - your hands are still kind of wet from washing them - even though you are frantically trying to dry them on your jeans? Yeah, me neither. That would be embarrasing.

Irony

My brother has been complaining over the amount of deep spiritual blogs. So, to indulge his shallowness I will try to update on the more humourous side of life. Except this is kind of about my sinful behavior - which has already been repented of. So I feel it is ok to blog about.


So this weekend I was driving down Dobson Road. I was late for church, so naturally I was speeding. Criminally. And putting other people's lives in danger. And then...someone cut me off. Like, pulled out right in front of me and got up to a speed of oh, say 35. Now, I have been known to get road rage from time to time so I moved on over to the other lane and wouldn't let him get over when he wanted to. So mean. But then I realized that this wasn't just your average annoying driver...this was the Ice Cream Man. No joke. "Grandpa's Ice Cream" to be exact. So then, I felt pretty convicted over my poor behavior. What kind of girl cuts off Grandpa Ice Cream on the way to church?? What kind of ugly person have I become?

Good Friday

"Unless you see yourself standing there with the shrieking crowd, full of hostility and hatred for the holy and innocent Lamb of God, you don't really understand the nature and depth of your sin or the necessity of the cross. " - C.J. Mahaney

Wow

This comes from a really good article I read today! I found it to be pretty dang good. Sorry for the un-humorous blog.

http://www.boundless.org/regulars/hungry_years/a0000910.html


“The Bible talks about pruning away branches so that the tree will be more fruitful. Cutting hurts, but it brings growth.” He told me about a friend who had accumulated a lot of commitments to good things, but no longer had room in his life for new opportunities from God. “I told him, ‘you have to routinely evaluate your commitments to make sure your life isn’t cluttered with activities that are no longer fruitful.’ You have to be willing to cut those things off so that you can grow in other areas.”
Our problem is that we get comfortable in the security of what has worked in the past. But Paul says, “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
When God sends opportunities our way, it often requires us to leave the security of things behind us in order to act on what is ahead of us. "

Murse Man

So, last week I went out to dinner with a pal. I was waiting out front when a man, in his late 30s and unfortunately, carrying a man purse (a Murse if you will) came up to me and asked me if I was Mallory. He had been staring at me kind of awkwardly before he approached. I think he thought I was his blind date. In the past, near-bald men in their late 30s, with misguided fashion sense, were my teachers or the dads' of my friends ...and now suddenly they are potential suitors? When did I get so old?

Advice tip of the day:
First date? Leave the man purse at home.

Gym time

Tonight I am going to discuss the gym. The good thing about going to the gym is that it allows a good 30 minutes for people watching. The bad thing about going to the gym is that sometimes you don't want to watch these people - but they are like a car wreck and you can't turn your head. Here are a few characters I see regularly:

American flag pants man: Oh yes. A grown man in short shorts resembling an American flag. I am pretty sure Betsy Ross did not ever intend for such desecration as she was assembling our nation's symbol. The only pledge you want to say when you see them is to never marry a man who would wear these.

Grunting man: We know the weights are heavy because we can see that there are a lot of them on the bar - but your grunting is just embarassing - and drowning out my 50 Cent.

Totally disinterested gym worker: This guy comes around at least once a night and kind of pretends to clean equpiment. But really he just stands there with his sanitizer watching the Suns game.

Selfish magazine hoarder: Ok. This girl takes all the People magazines and the Glamour magazines in the rack and leaves you with Sailing Today or Hadassah - the magazine for Jewish men. No bueno Miss Greedy. I want to know what J-Lo named her babies too.

Miss why the heck are you at the gym cuz if I looked like you I would be at Cold Stone girl: This girl is ridiculously good looking and is virtually flawless. And she has been on the eliptical next to you for 58 minutes. You know because you look at her screen to see how many calories she has burned and how long she works out to look like that. You will leave the gym and probably eat something unhealthy before this girl even starts her cool down. You will tell yourself she has no personality - and that your handwriting is probably better.

I liked this.

I liked this quote from John Piper below. I added the picture for dramatic effect. Or affect. I am not sure.

"Let this be your life: Ponder him; be pervaded with him; point to him. The more you know of him, and the more you admire the fullness of his beauty, the more you will reflect him. O that there would be thousands of irresistible reflections of the beauty of Jesus."

This is the last time I will mention kleenex - promise.

Today I went to the Gap and the cashier asked me if I had a cold. He said he had a cold too - so I pulled out my Vicks Kleenex and gave him one. I think he was thought it was strange. I said: "I usually don't hand out kleenex to strangers, but these are amazing." Boys probably think I am so weird.

In other news, tonight I learned that if you comment on someone else's photo on facebook - everyone else can read that comment and then also click on the picture that the comment was about. Just a little something to keep in mind if you are commenting on a picture of oh, say, you swimming in the Dead Sea, squinting, covered in mud and with bad hair.

Oh well. Charm is deceptive anyways.

I have a cold

So, my sister says I should blog like I e-mail. I like that idea. Except that my sis and I can e-mail a lot about nothing and I don't think I can have a blog about nothing. It would then have to be at least as entertaining as Seinfeld - and if I were that talented, well then I probably wouldn't be working in the field of supply management.

Today I am sick. I sound like a man. It's very attractive. Especially when paired with a red nose and washed out features.

I am going through cough drops like they are candy. They are strawberry. I am pretty sure they only say strawberry because they are pink - because no strawberry I have ever tasted comes close to this. My sister and I are having a debate whether you should record the calories in a cough drop if you are counting calories. I say yes. She says no. I actually don't think you should have to count calories of things that you are forced to eat. But in the spirit of legalism - they are 15 calories a piece. Lame. The whole bag is like the same amount of calories as a Snickers bar. So unfortunate.

I am also using the Puffs with Vicks Kleenex. This is not your ordinary kleenex - it is infused with menthol and has changed my life - or at least the part of my life that is impacted by the brand of kleenex I use. Seriously. If you have not tried these kleenex, run, do not walk, to your nearest drug store. Three people in my life have purchased this kleenex as a result of me talking about it. Kleenex evangelism people. It works. I just read a news story about a family in Australia who's pet python ate their chihuahua. So sad. Except that, you would think that a family owning a python would avoid having small furry animals around. That's like if I owned both a frog and a fly farm. Much too tempting for the frog.

And with that - my blog has perhaps reached a low point.

Subway

Um. Is anyone else annoyed that everytime they walk into Subway they are confronted with a lifesize cardboard cutout of Jared holding up a giant pair of jeans?

This is their latest in-store ad campaign and I find it a bit sub par (I couldn't resist a bad pun).

I mean, everytime I go in - I initially think Jared is a real man, smiling and holding up his pants for the world to see, and I get scared for a half second.

Then I realize Jared is just made of cardboard and he is simply trying to share just how big his pants were before Subway came into his life. Big sigh of relief.

I am all about motivational weight loss tools...but I think they should get one of those mirrors that makes you look like 20 pounds lighter. And then they could say how eating Subway will help you lose 20 pounds. And the mirror could talk to you and tell you how ridiculously good looking you would be if you ordered the turkey sub with no cheese and light mayo. Just a thought.

Also, if they got rid of the flimsy carboard Jared you wouldn't have to worry about accidently knocking him over with your giant purse as you are digging around for your wallet. Yeah, that was embarassing.

Oh Piper.

I am not much of a spiritual blogger, however - I like to quote spiritual bloggers - such as Johnny P - a.k.a John Piper.

Quotes from 'The Office' are to humor; as John Piper sermons are to my spiritual life - soo many places where they seem to fit perfectly.

Today he had a great article on alcohol found at http://www.desiringgod.org/.

At first I thought it sounded kind of harsh and maybe a little legalistic but as I read, he really gave some great points and probably the most convincing point I have heard about why we should think about abstaining:

"In general, drinking alcoholic beverages does not increase one's sensitivity to
the will of God. On the contrary, it weakens the intensity of our desire to be
holy as God is holy. Therefore, I feel no need whatsoever to make wine or beer
or any other alcoholic beverage part of my diet. It contradicts and threatens
what I value most."

Certainly following Jesus is not about rules. But if we feel something weakens our desire for holiness - it certainly begs consideration as to how much, if at all, we should engage in certain activities. Mmm.

And thus concludes my spiritual entry for the day.

I must now go empty the flask I keep in my purse. Kidding!

Sisters

Joy of all joys. My sister has started a blog.

http://www.1000hillsranch.blogspot.com/

My sister lives on a ranch in Nebraska and has the cutest kids in all the land, Clay and Crew.

I am hoping she will update her blog because my sister is full of wit and humor. Actually our dad is always saying stuff like: "Isn't your sister funny?" "Beth's soo funny," etc., etc.

But, I don't feel too bad because he contantly tells me that I have beautiful handwriting - arguably the best in the whole family. Handwriting is just as enviable as wit.


To give you a visual of my sis - here you go.

She is the one who looks much more comfortable holding a child in her arms.

Please note the John Deere tractor and barn in the background. Also, you can't see it but we are wearing our matching girl cowboy boots. They are really cute.

Now - just to give a little sample of my sister's writing here is a funny blurb from an e-mail she wrote me last week:

"We are recording how well clay is doing without pullups by putting
stickers on a calendar. I am such a bad mom though.... the stickers are
pathetic. They are ripped in half free address labels. Today we even used a old
stamp ripped off a letter. So sad."

Ah. I love that story. A flashy sticker does not a good mother make. I think I have a sticker book from the 80s and all I have in it are the stickers you got for free of off bananas. Ghetto.

Ode to Rita and Extreme Bean

I haven't blogged much this week. And, I feel as if so many potential blogs are running through my mind.

First. Let me give a shoutout to Flagstaff and my good friend Rita. Pictured here:

I possibly screwed up the dimensions in this picture - allowing all of our faces to look thinner than they actually are. But hey, it's my blog and I can do that. Anyways - Rita is the hot lady on the right. Rita - let me stay with her in her amazing apartment in Flagstaff this weekend. Adding to it's amazing-ness, this apartment had a loft:

Ok, this is a small pic - but if you can see the loft, that is what I got to sleep in. It was amazing. I always wanted a loft when I was little - I actually would have settled for bunk beds. I did not get either...nor did I ever get a Teddy Ruxpin doll or one of those Fisher Price tape players that came with a microphone - but, whatever. I am so not bitter.

Anyways, I digress. Rita - discipled me in college - mentored me, taught me how to be super spiritual...whatever you want to call it. Now that I am older, and chewing on spiritual meat if you will - Rita is my just my friend who has great thought-provoking ideas on ministry and makes her own yogurt. I just wanted to indroduce my blog readers (both of you) to her.

In other blog-worthy news I went to the Extreme Bean tonight. The Extreme Bean is the best coffee shop ever. Seriously. It has live great live music and an amazing crowd to people watch.

Tonight, I sat reading my Bible and drinking my latte listening to these old men play the piano when one of them asked me to sing. I said no - because hello, I am not the kind of girl to sing in a crowded coffee shop. But this guy was persistent. And I am a people pleaser - which is not a good combination. So, moments later there I was singing "Edelweiss" from Sound of Music for all to hear. And then he asked me to sing "Memories" from Cats. People clapped - probably pity claps. Oh well. I think Whitney Houston got her start in a coffee shop when some shady old man asked her to sing show tunes while she was reading - but, I am not sure.

Yikes.

WASHINGTON - The Pentagon is planning to shoot down a broken spy satellite expected to hit the Earth in early March, The Associated Press has learned. Details to follow.

Mmm...this was on msnbc.com this morning. Under the title "Breaking News." Looks like this Valentine's Day could be our last - but you don't really know because this is like the most incomplete news brief I have ever seen. Something is plummeting towards the Earth? Is it big? Should I start wearing my witness wear more than usual? Does anyone want to watch Armageddon?

And now, to prove that pictures spice up ANY blog entry (even one about potential destruction), here is a highly pixelated image of the cookies we are eating at work today in celebration of Valentine's day.

Good music

Every once in awhile music comes along that is so great it must be shared.

Vitamin String Quartet:

Ok - these guys take popular songs and then reproduce them as orchestra music. It's amazing. I recommend: "Hey there Delilah," "Here without you" and anything Coldplay. Truly you will fall in love and buy all their music - and later have to repent for spending so much money dowloading their songs when you could have supported like ten missionaries. And you will also regret giving up the viola when you were 16 so that you could play volleyball for your high school. Even though you sucked at volleyball and were borderline good at the viola. Ugh.

The new Passion CD - God of this City:

Are people tired of hearing me talk about the Passion movement yet? Probably. But holy cow. This CD is so good. I recommend the songs: "Hosanna," "God of this City," and "God of our Yesterdays." I hadn't heard a few of the songs on this CD and they are so good - with really powerful lyrics. I am even uploading a pic of the CD to demonstrate both it's awesomeness and my mad photo uploading skills.

"With you" by Chris Brown:

Admittedly, I feel dumb repeatedly singing a song that refers to a man's woman as "boo" - but when you are in the privacy of your own car and have really tinted windows - you can put your shame aside and sing. Loudly.

"The way I am" by Ingrid Michaelson:

I first heard this song on Grey's Anatomy and I thought I was so unique and cool for liking it until I found it was like 16th most popular downloaded song on iTunes. Whatever. It's good. Millions of people can't be wrong.

Witness Wear

I was checking out some things online this week and I ran across a few gems. Now, I do love fashion and I do love the gospel - but I don't think they always make a great pair. Here are some highlights.

Christians love acronyms. We do. If you give me a word - I bet I could think of a spirtual acronym for it. Try me.

Christians also love ryming. I actually may start asking people if they are on board with the Lord - just for fun.

Mmm - nevermind that this shirt is just a re-creation of a Staples ad - it's not even doctrinally sound.

Picture testing

I just wanted to test out posting pics on my blog. This is worship at the Passion conference. Sometimes instead of singing I like to watch other people. Kind of weird. But they have their eyes closed and can't see anyways. At least they should have their eyes clothes if they are truly worshipping. Kidding. Kidding.

Glasses

So. Last week I broke my glasses. Super annoying. I was holding them in my hand and ran straight into a glass door. No joke. I don't wear my glasses that much because:

a. they are kind of nerdy
b. make my nose look big
c. I sat on them once and now they are kind of crooked
d. one time I went on a few dates with a guy and on our last date I wore my glasses and then he never called me again. True story.

But still...It is impossible to see far distances without them and I am a fan of vision in general. I probably would not have made a huge deal about it - except I knew that soon I would be driving to LA and would need them to drive. So, with my impending road trip, I quickly made an eye appointment.

Now - the eye doctor said that I should get contacts. (she probably suspected my bone structure did not benefit from glasses...).

I was skeptical - but did throw caution to the wind. Turns out - with the contacts I saw waaay better than with my nerdy little, crooked glasses. Everything is so much clearer, trees have leaves, I can read street signs - and I may have been wearing too much eyeshadow for who knows how long - which I didn't notice before.

And then of course, I had to draw a spiritual parallel to it. Like, sometimes we are so used to our lame glases that don't even look that good on us - and then God takes them by making you run into a proverbial glass door and you think "what am I going to do?" But then...he provides something so much better - like contacts.

Anyways. Those are my thoughts.